and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
