I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize