I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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