I'm really into asian looking animals
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Randomize
