Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
