I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
