Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
