I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize