so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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