bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
