What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Congratulations! We have a period
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