so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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