Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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