Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
