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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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