Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
