i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
