You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
