there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
