I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
