i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize