God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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