Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
