Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
