Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
