She's JV to your varsity
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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