i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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