Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
they're like a gay fantastic four
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
