If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
