there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
