Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize