Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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