youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
