You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
