theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
