I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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