saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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