I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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