You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
