it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
this boner is exhausting
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
