You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
