I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
