I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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