PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
