I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
