so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
barbara walters just said penis...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
