Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
