I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
