dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize