we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
it glows. i had to have it.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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