i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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