this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
