Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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