I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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