they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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