Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
