I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
how does that bad decision feel?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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