weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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