Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
