i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
