remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i've created a new STD.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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