searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My dick has a subreddit
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
