So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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