my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i need some magic done to my vagina
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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