I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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