I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
