you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
