So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
