bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
