Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
