We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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