Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
