We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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